I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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