She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
