theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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