i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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