i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
