8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
