so explain again why im purple
no
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
