If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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