You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
