Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
