omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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