I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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