My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
