i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
