I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
