hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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