i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
