i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
