I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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