Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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