yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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