don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are my feet made of real feet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
