So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
