talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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