pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
