If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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