tell your sister to shave her snatch
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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