i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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