She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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