dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
