you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
