You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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