I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
