I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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