do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
