Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
