At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
