You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize