This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
