Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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