i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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