Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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