When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
