Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
