So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
