i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
