so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
