We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
