I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize