K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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