Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
