Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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