Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize