he puts the penis in happiness.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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