but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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