My sheets look like a crime scene.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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