There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
