Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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