I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
