The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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