She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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