shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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