i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
