is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
