guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
