Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize