I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
