im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
only if we run a train.
done.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
