if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
