That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
