They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ttyl tear gas
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
