The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
