I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
