I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
