His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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